art is hard

When I was in first grade I wrote a poem about America for a class assignment. The poem was a big deal. My parents and teachers loved it. I wrote more poems, and they loved those, too. When our principal retired, I wrote a poem for him and read it at a school assembly. I became Poetry Kid.

I learned two false beliefs from this experience. The first was that art is easy. It comes out of you fully formed, perfect the first time. I carried this belief through my high school and college years when I played in bands. I didn’t revise or re-work songs I wrote. I didn’t even like re-recording. So what if we made a mistake? Leave it in! That’s punk rock! However it came out is how it was meant to be!

Like a lot of smart kids, I didn’t learn how to practice, how to make mistakes, how to fail and try again. When I got older and read books like Stephen King’s “On Writing” that talked about the discipline of art, I ignored the advice. I continued waiting for lightning bolts of inspiration. I wrote for as long as the charge lasted, and when the spark was gone, I did something else.

The second false belief I learned was that art is for other peoples’ approval. It was for contests, school assemblies, or crowds of drunk college students. There was no point in producing something that other people couldn’t consume. People had to appreciate what I made, to give it value. When I stopped writing poems about America and retiring principals and started writing stories about shape-shifting aliens and barbarian-women fighting giant crabs, I didn’t get the accolades anymore (one time I handed my mom several chapters of what I thought was my sci-fi magnum opus; the only thing I remember her saying when she finished was “it was very violent”). So I stopped creating.

I’m still unlearning these beliefs. I’ve spent the last two years developing new habits and patterns. I got on a workout regimen. I started meditating in the morning. I’m discovering the value of doing things I don’t feel like doing. I’m learning how to stick to a course instead of letting myself be blown around by my moods. I’m finding freedom in routine.

Now I’m applying the discipline I’ve learned to writing. I hope I can make a habit of this, and that it’ll help me organize some of the thoughts I’ve been having about everything I’ve been reading and learning about over the last few years.